Pre-school wars part 1

So I decided to put Jaxson in preschool, he was getting to the point where he didn't want to stay with anyone but me. Cried whenever I left him, he was with me 24/7. I decided to put him in a preschool right in our hometown which meets 3 days a week for 2.5 hours. I figured that would be a good start.

Well, we talked to Jax about school all summer, he was soo excited to go, some of his friends and his sister already go to school so he was thrilled. As time approached he mentioned about me staying with him, I would say "nope, your a big boy and its your school" he would just smile. We went to sneak preview and met his teachers and saw his classroom, we played with toys and saw some friends, he was nervous.

So as we got ready for his first day, we got dressed, had breakfast and the girls that I watched arrived. Jax told them that he was going to school, we got his backpack and took pics.

He was all excited.

So we took off and I can see him getting more nervous, he was thinking, "is she really going to leave me?" We arrived and went inside.

We hung up his bag and put his stuff in his cubby, I said "ok you are going to stay and play and I will be back after your done and pick you up", he freaked and clug to my leg. I'm thinking, great what am I going to do. So I stayed a few minutes and tried to get him to play with he other kids. Some kids were getting dropped off, some went right away and played, others cried. I thought, great this is not going to work.

There are many moms who take different approaches to leaving their kids at daycare or preschool. There are the drop and runs, keeping it quick and simple no matter what. There are the ones who stay for a few mins and try to engage and bribe their child to stay and then leave. There are the ones who sneak out when the child isnt looking, and then there are the lingerers, who stay until their child tells them they can leave.

You are probably wondering which approach I decided to take, well it was the sneak out, the worst one possible. Not only does it leave your child uncertain of anything but it makes them feel insecure and abandoned. But it was the only thing I could think of, the kid was clinging to my leg and he started to play with the boys so I thought he would be alright. Not to mention I had 3 other kids with me so sneaking out was hard. It was fine until I hit the car, I heard him freak out and cry my name. I felt horrible, "do I go back in and comfort him?, or just leave?" So I sat and pondered and thought maybe he would stop but he didn't, I had to leave, it was best for both of us.

I wanted to cry, how could I do such a thing to my baby boy. I was at home with other kids and he was there crying for me, how could I sneak out, he will never trust me again, all these things went through my head, "I would never do that to him again", I thought but what was I going to do?

It was the longest 2.5 hours of my life, I kept looking at the schedule they gave me and thought , "ok, well he is having snack time right now, hes fine, he loves the snack I packed him. Then they are going to do crafts and reading then I can go get him". I arrived a few minutes early to take a peak, he was playing at the train table with some boys, not crying, just playing. I walked in and he hugged me, I said "are you ready to go home?" he said "yes" and we got his stuff and left. He said on the way home, "I cried for you" and it melted my heart.

We had 2 days to prepare for his next school day, what was I going to do?

How can 1 child be so bad??

So today or should I say lately Jaxson has been pushing my buttons to the point that I just snapped!! How can 1 child that you love and nurture so much  be sooo bad???

Today started out like any other day, Kailey left for school, the boys woke up, I was enjoying my morning coffee as the girls arrived. We do the same thing every morning, we had breakfast, I cleaned up as the kids played, and I don't know what happened but Jax turned into a monster, Is it possible that something possess his body?? Its like hes not that sweet innocent boy I once grew to love. He started hitting the girls, I do the normal punishment and sent him to his room, but this time, he runs right back out behind me laughing, like it was a game or something, but I wasn't laughing. I scooped him back up and put him back in, repeat, repeat, repeat until I spanked and put him in there. I said "do not come out of that room", he looked at me and put his toes out the door. "I wanted to freak out but remained calm. I put him back in and he sat on his bed for oh I would say 20 seconds and headed out to peek around the corner. I thought, "do I say something and send him back in or ignore?" I chose to ignore, he then came out after a minute running and apologized, I let it go.

Again a few more conflicts with jax throwing a toy and hitting a little girl in the head, you guessed it, spank and put in his room, this time he picked up a toy gun and turned around and say, "boom, boom" as he pointed it at me. So apparently now hes shooting me. Is he going to grow up to be a serial killer?? I don't know.

After a few chasings around the house and Jax coming out to apologize, at that point we were ok. So after lunch we had to run to get an oil change on my van, so I was rushing around trying to get 4 kids out the door and Jax starts to act up. He begins to throw things, I said "no throwing toys Jaxson", and he said "ok". As I come around the corner he threw a block and hit me square right between the eyes. Instant pain and I could feel the blood rushing through my body, now I was the one that was possessed and I lost it.

I picked him up by the back of his shirt, spanked his ass, which hurt my hand and more than gently threw him in his room. I screamed at him the whole way to his room, I have never screamed like that EVER, but I couldn't take it. So what did Jax do, not cry in pain because of the bruises that were forming on his ass, not cry because his loving mother was possessed by an evil spirit, but the freaking kid turned around and laughed at me. How does one possessed mother hold back and not kill a child???

Now I know why there is child abuse in this world, I swear I was already at the borderline of child abuse at this point, I turned around and calmly counted to ten, breathe, breathe, Lori, don't beat him!!

Well I didn't beat him but boy was my blood boiling at this point, when he calmed down or should I say I calmed down, I'm sure he was still in his room laughing at me, we all got in the van and were on our way. The kids were pretty good at the garage, except one little incident where Jax took a marker to their white refrigerator, but we wont get into that, we all arrived home in one piece.

 I had it by this point with him and it was only noon, time for nap, the kids went down except Jaxson, nope he wasn't going to lay down for nothing, I had no energy left for him, I couldn't possibly spank him anymore, I hated spanking, the kid laughs at me anyways. Maybe I could tie him down, I dont know.

So many things go through my mind, is he the devil?? Is he possessed? Where did I go wrong? Is this a phase? How does he laugh at me after I spank him?? How do I get him to listen to me? How does he go from a sweet innocent boy to a monster?? How do I deal with him without spanking him all day? Are parents even allowed to spank anymore? Im not even sure of anything.

What in the hell is that???

So this is what I came across when I was cleaning out my bedroom.

Yes that really is a bag of hamburger buns with one half eaten one on the floor under the bed.

Now, we have 2 suspects, my husband Isreal who loves to eat, and my son Jaxson who lately loves to be bad and do things to irritate me. This is under investigation, will report back with the guilty suspect!!