So today or should I say lately Jaxson has been pushing my buttons to the point that I just snapped!! How can 1 child that you love and nurture so much be sooo bad???
Today started out like any other day, Kailey left for school, the boys woke up, I was enjoying my morning coffee as the girls arrived. We do the same thing every morning, we had breakfast, I cleaned up as the kids played, and I don't know what happened but Jax turned into a monster, Is it possible that something possess his body?? Its like hes not that sweet innocent boy I once grew to love. He started hitting the girls, I do the normal punishment and sent him to his room, but this time, he runs right back out behind me laughing, like it was a game or something, but I wasn't laughing. I scooped him back up and put him back in, repeat, repeat, repeat until I spanked and put him in there. I said "do not come out of that room", he looked at me and put his toes out the door. "I wanted to freak out but remained calm. I put him back in and he sat on his bed for oh I would say 20 seconds and headed out to peek around the corner. I thought, "do I say something and send him back in or ignore?" I chose to ignore, he then came out after a minute running and apologized, I let it go.
Again a few more conflicts with jax throwing a toy and hitting a little girl in the head, you guessed it, spank and put in his room, this time he picked up a toy gun and turned around and say, "boom, boom" as he pointed it at me. So apparently now hes shooting me. Is he going to grow up to be a serial killer?? I don't know.
After a few chasings around the house and Jax coming out to apologize, at that point we were ok. So after lunch we had to run to get an oil change on my van, so I was rushing around trying to get 4 kids out the door and Jax starts to act up. He begins to throw things, I said "no throwing toys Jaxson", and he said "ok". As I come around the corner he threw a block and hit me square right between the eyes. Instant pain and I could feel the blood rushing through my body, now I was the one that was possessed and I lost it.
I picked him up by the back of his shirt, spanked his ass, which hurt my hand and more than gently threw him in his room. I screamed at him the whole way to his room, I have never screamed like that EVER, but I couldn't take it. So what did Jax do, not cry in pain because of the bruises that were forming on his ass, not cry because his loving mother was possessed by an evil spirit, but the freaking kid turned around and laughed at me. How does one possessed mother hold back and not kill a child???
Now I know why there is child abuse in this world, I swear I was already at the borderline of child abuse at this point, I turned around and calmly counted to ten, breathe, breathe, Lori, don't beat him!!
Well I didn't beat him but boy was my blood boiling at this point, when he calmed down or should I say I calmed down, I'm sure he was still in his room laughing at me, we all got in the van and were on our way. The kids were pretty good at the garage, except one little incident where Jax took a marker to their white refrigerator, but we wont get into that, we all arrived home in one piece.
I had it by this point with him and it was only noon, time for nap, the kids went down except Jaxson, nope he wasn't going to lay down for nothing, I had no energy left for him, I couldn't possibly spank him anymore, I hated spanking, the kid laughs at me anyways. Maybe I could tie him down, I dont know.
So many things go through my mind, is he the devil?? Is he possessed? Where did I go wrong? Is this a phase? How does he laugh at me after I spank him?? How do I get him to listen to me? How does he go from a sweet innocent boy to a monster?? How do I deal with him without spanking him all day? Are parents even allowed to spank anymore? Im not even sure of anything.