Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Secret Spank

Many people think I am crazy for bringing 5 kids to the library 2 days a week. However, its nice to get out and actually have an adult conversation even if it is talking to other moms about kids. Also it takes up the bulk of my morning with them, and gets us out of our normal everyday routine.

But seriously, I won't lie, its a lot of work itself, just getting the kids into the van, each one with a  car seat, but that's another story itself.  The kids I watch are very good for me, the only one I seem to have a problem with is my own child, Jax.

I can get all the kids into the van(eeeek, I hate using that word, van) and into the library and the only one that isn't going to listen to me is Jax. Jaxson is going to do the total opposite of what I say. "Stand here kids while I get the baby", all the kids stay put except Jax, nope, hes going to go run off though the parking lot. So with one hand on Jax, my eyes on the other kids I one handedly unbuckle Hudson and remove him from the seat with one arm. On our way I always go over the rules, "walking feet", and "inside voices", I drill it in their heads but the one that is going to run through the library is my dear Jax., oh yes, looking back at me and laughing the entire time.

Upon arrival we play with the puzzles and puppets, but does he play with them, nope Jax decides to dump them all on the floor and walk away. Like the good parent I am I quietly explain to Jax that we will be picking this mess up as I squeeze his arm to get his attention, sit him down and pick up piece by piece. And why is it if a child doesn't want to do something they go limp, they fall on the ground like their whole body just doesn't work anymore, as you drag the child to the destination, oddly enough their arms and hands don't work either. I feel like the next time he yells my name or crying for me I am just going to fall on the floor and go limp like he does to me and see how he likes it, although with Jax, he would like it, he would probably just laugh at me.

Now that its story time the kids nicely sit down and listen to the librarian read a story, except Jax, he decides to run and weave his way in and out of each child on the carpet and distract the other children, the librarian just looks at me like, are you going to control your child? I just feel that if the librarian would just tell Jax to have a seat, he would probably listen to her. But no such luck.

At this point, I wanted to leave or curl up in a ball and hide, my child was out of control, the only one not sitting and listening, even Hudson was being good.
About the third time of bringing him back to the story rug and him running around taking books off shelves I was sweating. I wasn't sure if the sweat was from carrying a 22 pound baby and chasing Jax or how beat red my face was from embarrassment. I thought to myself, he needs a good spanking so he knows I mean business.

Now generally I'm not a spanker unless he has pushed my buttons for too long and really needs one, but how was I going to do this in front of other parents. I couldn't be the mother who spanks, I also am the childcare provider, I didn't want them to think I spank other peoples kids or think Jax wasn't my child and I spanked him. Hell I could get turned in for that, so I thought about my tactic and the "secret spank".

So as soon as Jax was up on the rampage again, I went after him like an angry vulture going in for its kill, swooped him up with one arm and darted behind a big bookself. At last all alone with the devil, just me and him and the limp body he took on. I looked in his eyes and he knew he was in trouble and with one good pop on the butt, he looked at me with fear. Jax new I meant business, I quietly yelled at him for not listening, threatened him and kissed him on the cheek. He quietly walked and sat down with the other children and listened to the rest of the story.
THANK GOD, he got it, usually if I spank him, he laughs at me, I was so afraid of that but I think another force or being took over my body at that moment, maybe I didn't look like mommy, sweaty, red faced and angry, but whatever it was  it worked. Thats it, thats all it took and I knew it needed to be done, it just had to be done when no one could see me.
I think a secret spank is ok once in awhile, like I said, I dont like to spank and especially not in front of a crowd but sometimes it has to be done, even if its behind some bookshelves.

Are we even supposed to spank in public? Is spanking even allowed anymore? I don't know but as my mother always told me " God gave you the hand and butt, don't be afraid to use it but don't abuse it"!


  1. OMG Lori, I was laughing so hard reading this I got tears in my eyes! Nice to know that Im not the only mom out there who has experience the sudden sweats, pinched face, and embarassment when my kid misbehaves!! Truly awesome!

  2. Outstanding post Lori. I was laughing because I know this could be me in the foreseeable future. Thanks for sharing this story, makes the rest of us parents feel less insane!